Met with my surgeon yesterday…I will know Monday when the big day will be. I was so anxious when I got there yesterday. I was running late trying to finish up with work, had to pack my bike bag and throw my bike up on the car. These appointments can take a while so didn’t want to miss any prime daylight to ride in the woods on a beautiful night.
It seems like I always have a new experience when I go to the Dr. I never know how I’m really going to feel. I walked into the office and I looked up to see a friend of mine sitting there…with her sister. I had known her sister was going in for a biopsy as she had shared that with me last week but seeing her in this part of the building could only mean one thing…. My heart went out to her. I know how her sister must feel. It’s so scary to be sitting there waiting for the unknown. That is all it is right now, the unknown. Fear can creep up and take over if I let it. Another reason to ride my bike as much as possible these days, helps to clear my head.
So, nothing new to report other than I am on track with what I need to be doing and it is time to get this tumor out of me. 3 weeks to the day that I was diagnosed with cancer. Hard to believe it has only been 3 weeks. Seems so long ago. The surgery will be very extensive as I am choosing a double mastectomy. Yes, both ‘the girls” are going. This is something that no women especially at age 36 should have to make but I’m the lucky one I guess. Losing one is a must so if one is trying to kill me, who’s to say the other one won’t follow suit. I’m not letting it stick around to find out. The real traumatic part is I’ve never even had surgery. My first IV was 9 days ago when I had my MRI! Did I mention I almost passed out? I can’t even imagine how I’m going to feel when I wake up to a transformed body and I can only pray that there won’t be more bad news. Oh, part of the waiting experience is waiting to see if the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes. Only real way to tell is surgery. I left the office feeling surprisingly ok about all this. I had a bit of a melt down with the Dr (happens a lot) and she always seems to make me feel better. So, now I wait until Monday and go from there. I have plenty to do in the meantime to fill my mind and my time. First things first, I headed to the trail-head. It was a beautiful night to be in the woods. Sunny, not to hot and the trails were mint. I thought I might run into some folks but they were heading home when I got there. Hit the trails solo…you are never really alone out there but it feels good sometimes. Just me and my bike and nature. Sounds so cliché but for those that get the culture, it is part of that bike buzz I speak about. It really makes me smile no matter what else is going on in my life. Not looking forward to the long mandatory time off the bike…
Wednesday is traditionally date night with my guy. In an attempt for some normalcy, he met me in the woods close to dark for a quick spin followed by some dinner at are favorite sushi place. Great ride and great date night.