My account of life both on and off of two wheels...... "At least I'm enjoying the ride"

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Extra Good Vibes.

I have been debating on whether or not I would even share this.  Mostly it is because I do not want to give it any energy.  I recently wrote about how I hoped to be writing about my cycling, training and how great it is going-but that is not the case today.    The cycling is, well…going.  Not great, but I am riding.   I have been struggling more than I have been willing to admit and it started before my most recent cold.  It is not coming together fast enough for me- and I am also facing a scan which potentially could bring some scary news.

I can’t seem to shake this cancer vortex. These days I am only going to the doctor for my regular follow ups.  At the beginning of the month, I had my 4 month post surgery follow up with my plastic surgeon- just the normal routine follow up.  I have been complaining of a painful area on my left side (where my tumor was) under my arm and down my torso.  We had been waiting for the swelling to come down from my surgery - we had been just watching it to see if the swelling was going down.  During my recent appointment we discussed many things.  Some of which were the lack of symmetry of my new breasts; which one I actually like better; nipple tattoos and of course this painful hard mass of scar tissue under my arm.  It is clear that I am no longer swollen from surgery so she suggested a visit to my breast surgeon to have a look at what she believes is just scar tissue and radiation damage.
Like a good patient, I met with my breast surgeon 10 days later and she agreed that this mass is most likely scar tissue.  She is suggesting that I start physical therapy again to see if the therapist can work out this mass with some deep massage.  This is not a soothing or relaxing type massage- I am not looking forward to this.  I am just hoping it can release some of the pressure I feel in my side-it is so tight.  I wish the story ended there but it does not.  While she was showing me how to massage the scarred area, she said she wanted me to have an ultra sound of the area.  She truly believes it is scar tissue but there is an area closest to the original tumor site that is much harder than the rest of the ‘scar tissue’ area.   This could just be from the radiation damage but since the cancer I had was so aggressive, she cannot risk ignoring it.  She also wants them to scan closely my right under arm because during my exam, she found a swollen lymph node.  She had me feel it and sure enough it was.  It could be nothing but my body reacting to my most recent cold but it is still there today and my cold is gone.

I really do not want to start this process but it looks like I have no choice.  So, back in the vortex I go.  My ultra sound appointment is March 6.  It is so hard to not think about the ‘what if’ and stay in the moment, but I am trying my best though.
So for those of you that think that it is over; it will never be really ‘over’ until they find a cure for cancer.
My tests will be benign and it will be nothing but a big fat waste of time.  I cannot think of any other possibility.  
Thank you for reading and for sending any extra good vibes. 


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Trying something new.

I just received my Omega juicer this week.  Trying something new to boost my immune system.  

This mornings breakfast:

1 whole cucumber
2 large handfuls of romaine lettuce
4 stalks of celery
1 green apple

The Omega 8003 juicer hard at work- this machine is awesome!
Final product- breakfast.   
My first attempt exceeded my expectations.  It was super easy and delicious!  I only had about 12 oz to see how my stomach would handle it.  I will finish the rest at lunch.  It has been recommended that I start off slow especially with some of the leafy greens.  I need to build up my tolerance a bit.  I will keep you posted but if you have any good recipes you want to share, feel free to pass them on!



Monday, February 13, 2012

Me, over do it?

I am reminded how quickly it can happen.  You feel great, your life seems to be going along nicely and wham…you over do it! 

My week leading up to my long weekend in the Pilates studio was jam packed but I felt great.  I was 'handling' all of it.  The workshop was fantastic-best one yet. A lot of work both physically and mentally.  That following Monday rolled around and I was not only exhausted but I had that heavy feeling in my chest and the coughing began.  Next it was the fever, runny nose and did I mention the cough?  I have not been this sick from a “cold” in a long time.  I was down for the count all week.  No work, no rides, no studio time, no fun.  While I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself, I remembered all those days I was so sick from chemo that I could hardly walk or open my eyes without wanting to puke.  Those days have passed for me and so would this.  Oddly, I feel lucky that it is just a bad cold…I do really hate being cooped up though.  Especially when I had a plan to catch up on some riding during the week and long rides for the weekend. 

This past weekend, we were reminded that it is winter and there was no way I was heading out in that weather on Saturday.  I had hoped to head up to Stewart to try to get some longer miles in but that was not going to happen.  I did manage to convince G that I was feeling well enough on Sunday to do a quick lap around Graham.  It was windy and cold but the trails were in great shape.  Amazingly, my legs felt so strong but my lungs, not so much.   My guy had to rein me in and head me back to the car.  I did not want to go home but I know it was the right decision.  He reminded me that I always push myself too hard and it is not always the best thing for me.  I would like to tell you that I do this because I want to live my days to the fullest since my cancer diagnosis but the reality is, I lived this way well before my diagnosis.   I still do not think that is wrong, but I do now consider the long term effects of taking on too much.  There will be more time to pedal .  

Tomorrow is Valentines Day and if all goes as planned, G and I will start our day with a morning pedal in the woods before work.  Now that is my kind of romance!

Happy Valentines Day!