How does this happen?

Frozen in the freezer- will defrost when the time is right.

Yesterday I went to see Dr. B for my one week follow up since the surgery. I’ve made some progress. Both pain drips are out and 1 of the 4 drains are removed. It still doesn’t seem like much but my doctor assures me I’m doing well and I’m healing nicely. Trying to taper off of the narcotics as my body is screaming for some relief along with my mind. The pain is still there and it makes is so hard to get and stay comfortable for a nights rest. I knew I was beginning to feel better this morning when I was trying to talk my body into rolling over on my side. Sleeping on my belly is still a far away dream but sleeping on my side and being able to cuddle up with G is maybe only a few short weeks away. Maybe…The simple things I’ve always taken for granted: making coffee; pouring milk in my cereal; getting dressed; taking a shower; putting my hair in a ponytail.…I could go on but every day that I can do one of those things by myself, I know I’m closer to being me again. In the meantime, I’m grateful to my friends and family and of course to G for all the extra help they offer me to feel as normal as I can. All the healing vibes and prayers really are helping.

The follow up yesterday was also when I received my final pathology report. About what I expected but still felt it as another blow. It sealed the deal. I have stage 3 breast cancer. My tumor was larger than they expected and 5 out of the 18 lymph nodes were positive for cancer. I guess it could be worse….I could have 6 or 10 or even 18! I will go for a full body scan in two weeks or so once my body can handle it. Treatments, many treatments will follow in about a month’s time. I heard the doctor tell me all of this and I listen and took it all in….than I ask her “what is my prognosis?” Dr B. answers “very good as we have the treatments that work”. It still doesn’t change the facts but it does keep me hopeful. How does a 36 year old woman like me end up with stage 3 cancer? I ask myself and the doctor this question. I may never know the real answer to that question and it really doesn’t matter. What does matter to me is that other women out there know how important it is to get early screenings and do self breast exams. I have been healthy all my life and had I not found this lump while doing a self exam, I would have not gone for a mammogram. My healthy body was a perfect shell for this cancer to breed. Not anymore. The tumor is at least out of me and can’t do any more damage. I will continue to get my strength back from my surgery and I will get ready for the next battle. It will challenge my mind as well as my body but I can do it. I have to do it. There is no choice but move forward or the cancer wins and I will NOT let cancer take me down.