Some quick updates

First day back on the bike! 

I am back in physical therapy 2 times a week.  My therapist would like it if I could fit in 3 times but I am pushing for just the 2.  The diagnosis is weak at best- mild or slight lymphedema.  A 3% change since my last measurements a year ago.  I may notice more because I feel like I am really in tune with my body, especially when something does not feel right.  I am back to having to wear my compression sleeve on a regular basis and now have to practice manual lymph drainage massage on myself.  It sounds intense but it really is quite easy and only takes about 5-10 minutes.  It all seems to be helping, as the swelling in my arm is actually getting better and you almost can’t tell.  I think a lot has to do with me being back to my regular exercise routine.  I am a firm believer that exercise is the key to keeping a healthy lymphatic system and lymphedema under control.  It will never go away, but if managed properly, the symptoms can be non-existent.  In the grand scheme of things, this is more of a nuisance even with the swelling and pain it causes. 

It has not stopped me from getting back on the bike or back to the Pilates studio.  I have only really had a chance to ride outside 3 times since I was cleared to exercise.  I have been able to get to a couple spin classes which I most certainly need to whip my ass back in shape.   I am feeling the 5+ weeks of a sedentary lifestyle. 

I am still a bit skittish on the trails but I am already getting some confidence back.  No matter what, each surgery seems to take some confidence from me, on the bike.  As for my fitness, there was some major fitness loss but my endurance seems to have held up okay.  I am certainly feeling quite slow but I know it will come back. 

Overall, I am feeling so much better, especially without the implants pushing on my pectoral muscles when I pedal or try to maneuver over an obstacle on the trail. 

I have a lot of work to do but I am up for the challenge. 

S.M. 

Recovery Mode.

The surgery went as planned and while I was quite groggy, I was sent home that very afternoon. 

   

I had both implants removed, extra skin was cut out and I was sewn shut, laterally.  The stitches run about 4 inches across and maybe a little longer on the left side.  The left side is a bit more indented as well but not as bad as I thought it might be.   The radiation damage is quite evident.  I had two drainage tubes placed, one on each side.  The tubes came out 4 days later because it seemed to not be draining enough to require them to stay in over the holidays. 

We are still waiting on the final pathology report and with the holidays, it is more delayed than usual.

I have been feeling really well and have hardly required any pain medication after the first day or so.   I had a couple rough mental days but a lot had to do with the effects of the anesthesia.  That stuff messes with my head.  I have really just been more tired than anything. 

Of course with my luck, my left side with all the radiation damage has decided to start building up fluid. This is common and usually the body can absorb it but in this case, it had to be drained this past Thursday.  I am now required to wear a compression binder wrapped around my torso.  It is quite uncomfortable and I must wear it day and night until I see the doctor again on January 2.  The fluid seems to be returning again despite the compression.  I just hope my body figures out how to disperse this extra fluid on its own.    It is not necessarily dangerous.  It is just really annoying and could cause me a longer recovery period with repetitive trips to the doctor to have it aspirated. 

   

So far, the new ‘look’ has not bothered me very much.   I have not had many opportunities to figure out my wardrobe since I have not been going out that much.  The new compression binder is not helping to work this out and is making things more awkward if anything.

 

The truth is, I feel the most pure that I have felt since this whole process started back in 2010.  It is my body and only my body that I feel when I rest my hands over my chest.  I can feel my heart beat again. The only thing left behind is the reminisce of what cancer did to my body- The scars that will forever tell the story.  The look is quite dramatic but it is all me.

Christmas was quiet and uneventful.  It is a strange time of year to be stuck in surgical recovery mode.  People are busy with their holiday plans and parties so there is a sense of isolation or loneliness.  I have mostly missed being able to ride my bike.  It seems sort of unnatural for me to end 2012 without being able to get a good pedal in.  Even when I was in treatments, I still was able to ride.  

I have to hold onto the good memories of the entire year and not reflect too much on the past two months.  

It will be 2013 before I know it and I will be back in the Pilates studio and back on the bike. 

Here is to a healthy and happy 2013 for all!  

Preparing for Surgery.

There has been a slight change in plans.

Surgery is now scheduled for December 17.  I would update you more on what surgery I am having but I am still sort of undecided and this extra time has given me more time to prepare.

Here is the best way that I know how to clear my head and  prepare for major surgery...

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

S.M.

The Unexpected.

My 6 month oncology follow up was two weeks ago.  As I mentioned in my last post, there was no reason to believe that there would be anything to really report about.  Because my oncologist follows the “only scan on symptoms” protocol, I was not worried.  I have been feeling pretty great. 

The thing about the  ”cancer vortex’ is you never truly know what comes next. 

My appointment started off as usual. The nurse took my blood; I filled out my self evaluation sheet and waited some more in the overly crowded medical oncology office where the majority of patients are over 60. 

Dr W was extremely busy – more than usual, but she really gave me her full attention.  She was even more compassionate than I have ever remembered.  We talked about a lot of things- My treatment choices; side effects; my fibroid issues, babies after cancer and my overall well-being. 

Things did not start to get weird until the physical exam. 

Dr W: What is going on over here?  I do not remember this breast being so discolored?! 

Me: Well, it sort of started a few months ago but it does seem to have gotten worse. I assumed it was the norm and it was probably a side effect from radiation, no?

Dr W: I am sure it is nothing but I want you to get an MRI.  Oh and I am calling Dr M (radiation oncologist) over to have him take a look. 

I did not panic; I thought for sure she was just being overly cautious.  I had not seen Dr M since February 2011 (a month after my last radiation treatment) but he seemed to remember me enough to know what he was looking at. 

Dr M: Well, it could just be the implant and some lymphatic blockage but the only way to tell is a skin biopsy.  An MRI is not going to tell us what is going on with the skin. 

Me:  Is this something I can do with my plastic surgeon?  Wait…you are worried it could be skin metastasis? 

Dr M: No, not really but a biopsy is really the only way to know for sure.  Call you plastic surgeon and see what she thinks about a biopsy and the discoloring.

 

Both doctors agreed and they think this is nothing but now the words have been said, documented and I am stuck with following along with all the annoying and scary tests that would follow. 

I was able to schedule an appointment with my plastic surgeon for the following day.  Dr DP would know right away if she could/would biopsy the skin.   

As Dr DP looked me over she asked  me some questions, ran her finger down my radiated skin and then when she touched this one specific spot – I jumped up!   It is a spot that we have been ‘watching’ because the skin was really thin after my exchange surgery due to radiation damage.  I had thought it looked a little worse but this confirmed it. 

At this point, I was now standing up while she began sizing me up and grabbing my waist and my back trying to figure out what she had to work with.  I have been trying pretty hard to lose some of the extra tummy and toning up so she didn't really find much. 

The bottom line is my implant is failing.  This is in the side that was radiated 33 times.  The skin is just too damaged.  The implant is actually starting to show through the skin! That was why I had a lot of sensitivity to the touch.  Here I thought I was just getting my nerve sensation back.

 

The concern is that if we do not take this implant out now and look at alternate reconstruction options, this could end up being considered an emergency surgery and my options just went from 2 to none.

 

The other issue and the whole reason I went to see her is the skin that is turning color.  She brought my breast surgeon in to discuss and have her take a look.  The discoloration concerned her as well but mostly because they both think it is another issue with the implant and the constant tightening and tugging I have going on.  It is contracting and according to the photo evidence, rising higher by the month.  Of course that is causing me great pain but I just thought this was the way it was and I never really complained that much about it.  I just sort of accepted it as the new normal post radiation/reconstruction.

 

We knew there was a chance of this happening if I decided to go the implant route after radiation.  Some plastic surgeons won’t even touch radiated skin with an implant since it is very common for radiated skin to fail.  We took our 50/50 odds and went for it.  We were all  hopeful and thought I was in the clear for a while.  I did not think it would happen this quickly if at all.  It was just a year ago that I had my implants put in.  

The sadness, fear and overall frustration has really taken over on this. 

I had a biopsy last week.  It had to be in the OR since they could not risk my implant getting exposed and infection setting in.  That would add insult to injury.  I am grateful to report that my biopsy is benign and the skin sample is normal.  Dodged a bullet on this one!   

  

The new reconstruction options are very limited.  Everyone will have an opinion but there really is no great option for me. Either way, I am having surgery on November 27.   Instead of starting my bike race training for the 2013 season, I will be getting my ass kicked by another major surgery.  

I will share more about the type of surgery in another post.  It is just too exhausting to explain right now.  It has been consuming my mind and my extra time doing research.  

It can always be worse but for me, this is a big setback that I had not planned on.  It is not cancer this time (Thank GOD) but it is because of the cancer treatments that I have to go through this again.  

The good news is we were spared during the most recent storms that tore through the north east coast.  It is really bad for a lot of people and my heart hurts to see all the devastation.    

I was still able to get up to Maine for my nephews 2^nd birthday and it was a nice distraction from ALL the craziness around us and within my head. 

Happy Birthday J!  

Waiting for his birthday dinner!  

The cake- A handmade log truck.  So fitting for Maine and he is obsessed with trucks!  

Hope all my east coast blogger friends are safe and warm. 

S.M. 

More Juice!

It appears I have officially caught a summer cold...

It is quite disappointing since last week I was feeling so good and strong on the bike.  Good enough to steal back one of my lost QOM on Strava!

I am juicing like a mad woman and hoping that will boost my immune system enough to make this cold short lived with minimal damage.  As long as it stays out of my chest, I still plan on racing on Sunday.

Do your magic green juice!

Yes, that is right...the Stewart Six Pack is this Sunday and not only will it be 95 degrees and humid, but now I will be dealing with being sick.  Oh well, that is just the way it goes.  I find it hard to really complain about a cold after all that I have dealt with in the past but it still would have been nice to feel good on race day.

More juice, need more juice!

Popsicles help too- my nephew and I have the same cold :( 

New Helmet Required.

So far, the month of May has been all about focusing on keeping my endurance and adding some intensity to my rides.  

I have started to ride my mountain bike from the house to one of our local trails- Graham Hills.  I usually would drive there but it is only 6 miles each way.  It helps me warm up before I get to the trails and then I am able to give it more gas in the woods and spin my legs out on the way home.  G and I use to do this sometimes during the winter or early spring but driving there always seemed quicker.  It only saves 15 minutes and then I still have to get ‘ready’ to ride when I get to the parking lot.  So far, these rides from the house have been anywhere between 21-25 miles combined road and dirt.  I need to increase this but of course it is hard to find that extra time.  This "small ride" takes at least a couple hours as it is.

The best way to increase my mileage and time in the saddle is to get on the road bike as it is easier on the body compared to all the jarring with mountain bike.  It was part of the plan after SSAP to make sure I get back on the road on a more regular basis- At least 2 times a week.  

I was in a Pilates workshop the whole weekend prior so there was not much riding for me.  I was anxious to enjoy the beautiful weather outside.

Ideally we would have ridden mountain bikes on Saturday and road bikes on Sunday but this weekend, we switched it around because a friend wanted to ride mountain bikes with us on Sunday.  We had ridden to Graham Friday evening so the road sounded good to me. 

Saturday morning we left out of the house and decided to head north.  We took a few back roads over to Pleasantville and jumped on the North County Trailway.  The NCT is a great place to keep the legs spinning but I had also wanted to recalculate some mileage from the 117 parking lot in Pleasantville up to our friend’s bike shop – Yorktown Cycles. 

I have been helping to plan the first bike ride fundraiser for Body Wise Connection and this is the route I have chosen.  This is the organization that got me started with Pilates and helping plan this fundraiser is part of my way to “give back”.  Of course I am leading this ride so I need to do the ride a few times before the day of the event which is June 2, 2012. 

We took a quick pit-stop at the bike shop to say hi and get a few extra snacks for the ride.  I also discussed with Tom about replacing my helmet after my recent crash in which I hurt my hand.  Once you have crashed your helmet it is best to replace it. The helmet becomes compromised and may not work to its full potential the next time.  

Enjoying the amazing weather. 

We left the shop and pedaled further north.  We decided to turn around and head towards home so we could detour off the NCT to hit some hills in Briarcliff.  Heading south, we were cruising along and I got a flat in my rear tire.  It appeared that my rear tire had a pretty good size tear in it.   G fixed it with a GU wrapper and said “no hills on this tire- we should get home while we can”.  It was okay; we were having a great ride and still wanted to save some gas in the tank for our mountain bike ride the next day.  By the time we would finish the ride it was still going to be just shy of 50 miles. 

That is a nice size tear

We were pedaling home at a very mellow pace as I was trying to be gentle with my rear tire.  We must have been going only about 14-15 miles an hour and we were almost to the 117 parking lot area.  I stood up off my saddle to stretch my legs out for a second and just then, I hit a bump.  The NCT is known for its random holes and bumps and I thought I knew where all of them were.  This one took my balance and I lost complete control of my front end.  I tried to recover quickly but because I had been standing, my weight was shifted forward more than usual- I could not correct it.  I was going down.  I have never crashed on my road bike (not counting as a kid crashing on my ten speed) but knew it was going to be ugly.  I tried to force my body to the far right where there was hope of hitting the grass.  My right hip didn’t quite make it to the grass but thankfully my shoulder and head did.  This was by far the scariest crash I have ever had.  It is so different to dump it on your road bike than the mountain bike.  I am actually very lucky that it was not any worse.  I am pretty banged up with some nasty road rash on my right side and my forehead. 

It is now officially time for a new helmet! 

I managed to ride the bike home in the one gear that G found would work-my bike sustained a little damage from the crash and was not working perfectly.  It was a painful and slow 6 miles home. 

It did not ruin my weekend but it did hurt pretty bad and when I woke up Sunday morning, my neck and back were pretty sore.  G put his foot down on our plan to ride at Blue Mountain so we decided to ride from the house to Graham Hills again.  I thought I might be a bit crazy to even ride my mountain bike the next day but I was surprised how well I actually rode.  I had a lot more snap in my legs than I thought I would and frankly, getting on my road bike did not sound so appealing.   I keep seeing that crash over and over in my head.  Besides, the road bike needs a little work…

Hoping for a good week ahead and trying to stay upright!

S.M.

Good Choice.

View from the Croton Bridge.  

For those that did not already know, I did not race this past Sunday at the Chainstretcher.   It was a very last minute decision- so last minute that I changed my mind at the entrance to the door of registration. 

It had rained a little the night before.  Just enough to make the roots a bit wet and slippery but that was only part of it.  As I pedaled from the parking lot up to the registration area, I kept trying to ignore the ache in my hand.   I was getting a tug in my gut and not like race day jitters sort of tug either.  More like, what am I doing? Then I saw a friend of mine who happened to be there the day I crashed.  He looked me up and down, saw me in my biking clothes, noticed my hand all wrapped up and said, “You are not going to race today, are you?!”  It was that sort of a fatherly comment that pretty much sealed the deal.  He said what everyone else wanted to say but didn’t.  It was just not a good choice to race that day.

G did race - here he is crossing the finish line all smiles!

    

Not racing was one of my best decisions I have made.  I was disappointed, especially since my legs actually felt good that  morning.  But this gave me a couple more days of healing and my hand is so much better for it.   I was able to get a good spin on the road bike Tuesday and managed a short Single Speed ride at Graham Hills on Wednesday evening.

I am not 100% healed up but pretty close to it.  I am making the choice to race this Sunday at the SingleSpeed-a-palooza.  It is a longer race- 28 miles but there are not any long down hills that will put a ton of pressure on my hand.  I think I am good to go and the weather looks perfect for race day!

S.M. 

To race or not to race?

I have been nursing my hand since last Sunday with lots of ice, wearing the annoying splint and staying off the bike (sort of).  

I decided to take a spin class on Wednesday morning just so I can keep my legs moving and not have the concern of having to hold on.  Besides being more boring than I remember, it was a good spin.  It is so different when you know the weather outside is perfect and you have to be inside. 

Thursday I had a Pilates session with my friend Joy at Body Wise Studio.  She has watched me and helped me come back from two major surgeries and all my treatments.  Just last week she was telling me how strong I have gotten-I have worked really hard and Joy has been a big part of my comeback.  I walked into the studio almost ashamed that I had hurt myself.  Of course, she was just so happy I did not break anything or land on my ‘demon side’ which is what she calls my left side (the cancer side).

 

The impact of a fall can be so traumatic on the body.   Since the fall, my body had gone into healing mode, so I was feeling really tight and cramped up, even after I had done some stretching at home.  As usual, she quickly got me moving into a routine and still worked me over even without the use of my hand.  The amazing part of Pilates is how it helps me to open up my body in ways that I can not do any other way.- It helps me to feel centered again.  I came out of the studio Thursday feeling taller and stronger than when I went in.  I love those sessions with Joy. 

Thursday was such a nice evening and G got home on a little earlier train.  We decided that maybe we could try to ride up the Aqueduct to see how my hand would feel.  It is a relatively smooth pedal,  so it was probably the best way to test out my hand.  I wore my brace, but I was favoring my hand so much I was hardly holding on to the bar especially going over any sort of bump. 

Friday, I rested and iced.

It has been healing surprisingly fast.  My palm is still a bit swollen but nothing like it was.  The bruising is better than two days ago.  I can make a fist, but I still cannot squeeze my hand completely.

A couple days ago.  

So, what does this mean for racing Sunday? 

Today is Saturday, the day before the race.  I decided to do a very mellow pedal around the race course.  I wrapped my hand and wrist up in an Ace bandage hoping that would give me some support,  but allow me to move my hand better.  It went pretty well except for the downhill sections.  I had to go pretty slow as the pressure on my hand was just too much.  It felt great to be out there and I rode almost all the technical sections.

I did walk the section I crashed on.  Mostly it was because I had to stare so hard at the rock I messed up on wondering -why on earth would I have chosen that line?

I am still unsure.  It is set to start raining tonight and into tomorrow.  It is sort of swaying me away from racing.    Blue Mountain is technical enough when dry, that with the rain can make it traitorous.   Plus without a strong and stable grip on the handle bars- I could end up in a ditch again. 

I could go out there and just ride the race but that would not be the same.  I want to race, not just go for a ride.

Good luck to all of you that are racing this weekend.  I will see you out there one way or another. 

S.M. 

Any Other Sunday

The day before.  

We woke up Sunday morning April 15, my 2 year ‘cancerversary’.  It was just like any other Sunday.  G and I ate our breakfast and gathered our things together to get to the trailhead.  It was a gorgeous morning and we were meeting our friend Tony at Blue Mountain.  He was only down from Vermont for the day so we decided to change plans last minute.  Our original plan was to ride the road bikes since we had been going pretty hard on the dirt lately.   I was sort of tired but really happy to be meeting up with Tony and a couple other friends that I have not ridden with in a long while.   It helped to put a bit of extra something in my legs. 

Totally focused- Sunday's ride before...

We decided to start off the ride doing the chainstretcher race course loop.  I was feeling pretty ‘on’ with my technical skills that morning and felt surprisingly strong.  We were going at a pretty nice clip when about 3.5 miles into the loop it happened…That quick lack of judgment or bad line choice that changes everything. 

I went over the bars and rolled down a ledge only to land on my head and my right hand.  It sounds a lot more dramatic when I write it out but it was a pretty good crash.  Nobody even saw me.  Most of the guys were ahead of me and G and Tony were behind me a bit. By the time they rolled up on me, I was trying to climb out of the pile of rocks and leaves.  This is a known spot for crashes and is one that I usually take a bit more cautiously. 

I have been pretty lucky with most of my crashes in the past and have been able to at least ride out of the woods.   I had no choice this time.  I could not hold the handle bars, was pretty dizzy and in quite a bit of pain from my hand that I thought it could be broken. 

To be on the safe side, we took a trip to the ER to get an x-ray.  Thankfully, it is not broken.  They gave me a splint to help keep it stable and sent me home to elevate and ice.  I would have updated sooner but it has not been so easy to type.  It still hurts but it is so much better than I thought it was going to feel.  The swelling is coming down a lot and my whole palm and wrist is turning deep shades of purple.  I think it is healing!

This is a minor setback in the grand scheme of things and I remind myself that it can always be worse. 

I am unsure if I will be able to race this Sunday at the Chainstretcher but only time will tell.  It all depends on if I can hold onto the handle bars or not.    

I am off the bike until further notice.  

  

This was not how I had planned to spend my day celebrating or starting my racing season but that is how life works.  This could have happened on any other Sunday.  It is mountain biking after all and I would not change a thing except maybe I would have taken a better line.

It is time for those super hero healing powers to kick in anytime now.

S.M. 

Me, over do it?

I am reminded how quickly it can happen.  You feel great, your life seems to be going along nicely and wham…you over do it! 


My week leading up to my long weekend in the Pilates studio was jam packed but I felt great.  I was 'handling' all of it.  The workshop was fantastic-best one yet. A lot of work both physically and mentally.  That following Monday rolled around and I was not only exhausted but I had that heavy feeling in my chest and the coughing began.  Next it was the fever, runny nose and did I mention the cough?  I have not been this sick from a “cold” in a long time.  I was down for the count all week.  No work, no rides, no studio time, no fun.  While I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself, I remembered all those days I was so sick from chemo that I could hardly walk or open my eyes without wanting to puke.  Those days have passed for me and so would this.  Oddly, I feel lucky that it is just a bad cold…I do really hate being cooped up though.  Especially when I had a plan to catch up on some riding during the week and long rides for the weekend. 

This past weekend, we were reminded that it is winter and there was no way I was heading out in that weather on Saturday.  I had hoped to head up to Stewart to try to get some longer miles in but that was not going to happen.  I did manage to convince G that I was feeling well enough on Sunday to do a quick lap around Graham.  It was windy and cold but the trails were in great shape.  Amazingly, my legs felt so strong but my lungs, not so much.   My guy had to rein me in and head me back to the car.  I did not want to go home but I know it was the right decision.  He reminded me that I always push myself too hard and it is not always the best thing for me.  I would like to tell you that I do this because I want to live my days to the fullest since my cancer diagnosis but the reality is, I lived this way well before my diagnosis.   I still do not think that is wrong, but I do now consider the long term effects of taking on too much.  There will be more time to pedal .  

Tomorrow is Valentines Day and if all goes as planned, G and I will start our day with a morning pedal in the woods before work.  Now that is my kind of romance!

Happy Valentines Day!

XO

S.M. 

Minor Setbacks and Exciting Visitors.

We are only two weeks into the new year and I am reminded that life happens on life's terms.  I have a new minor setback.  Very minor but none the less, a setback for me.  
 
About 3 years ago I discovered a mole on my stomach.  It was a new mole, one I had never seen before. It started off fairly small but it continued to grow.  I had kept an eye on it and thought it was something I would eventually have checked out.  When I had my initial breast exam last March, the doctor suggested that after I  see a breast surgeon,  I should go to a dermatologist.  That was probably the smartest thing that doctor said to me the entire visit.  Just for the record, this was the doctor from the clinic not any of my current doctors.  In fact, she is the one that when I asked for a script for a mammogram she said to me " Oh they won't do a mammogram on you, your too young for breast cancer".  Right, so like I was saying- not very helpful.  Since things have calmed down a bit,  I showed this mole to my oncologist who suggested I have their dermatologist take a look.  I thought it was probably a good idea, so I agreed.  I went to the dermatologist who biopsied the mole right then and there.  I figure it was out now and it will be all fine...Wrong!  I received a phone call from my oncologist DrW. right before Christmas.  She didn't want me to panic when the dermatology office called.  "It is not cancer and it has nothing to do with your breast cancer, but it must come out surgically"  It was a precancerous mole that "could" turn into melanoma.  I was told by the surgeon that there was no real rush so as soon as I was feeling up to it, we would get the procedure done.  She then started to explain that the healing time would be two week with 2 layers of stitches and I would not be able to exercise during that time.  That was all I heard from that point forward.  More restrictions, just when I'm starting to feel good and getting back on a routine.  As much as the idea of not being able to exercise for two weeks made me angry and frustrated ( especially after all I have been through this past year) I would just have to get it over with.  The longer I wait, the worse the timing would get.   I know it is not cancer so I'm not worried about that.  It is just another minor setback.  

I chose January 12 at 8:00 am  for a couple reasons.  It was not too close to my last radiation treatment and most importantly it would allow me to heal up and be ready to start my race training by February 1. Of course we were expecting another huge snow storm the day of my procedure but since it was in the city, they were not going to cancel it.  It would be up to me to cancel if I felt I could not make it in. As hard as I thought it through, I knew that I had to get this over with.  I woke up at 6 am and sure enough, there was a ton of snow.  G and I walked through at least a foot of snow to the train and made it to my appointment.  Thank you G, as always for your support.  The surgeon ended up cutting a 4.5 cm long piece of tissue out of my stomach!  It was a bit larger than I had expected and since it is on my upper abdomen, it's quite  uncomfortable.  Nothing compared to my big surgery but this is so annoying! 

On another note, here are some random and exciting updates:

I am happy to say that last week was my official first full week of work since April.  It felt awesome!  Come Friday I was tuckered out but still able to make a delicious dinner for G and I to kick off the weekend.

Roasted chicken and red potatoes with sauteed brussel sprouts

Since this season seems to be bringing lots of snow, we needed to find a way to enjoy it and get in some cross training.  G purchased his own pair of snowshoes and I already had a pair from my years of living in Colorado.  Last weekend we received some fresh snow so were able to explore a bit in the woods.  The trails are too snow covered to ride and the streets are not much better.

After a few hours of work on Saturday, we headed out for what seemed like more of a hike then a snowshoe since we didn't get as much snow as we thought.  As always, we managed to have a good time out there regardless. 

G lovin the snow! 

There was still some fresh snow- My tracks.

We also ran into some of our mountain bike friends who were out riding the ski bikes that my friend K built.  While I was more of a spectator, G could not resist. 

Apparently it handles really well.  I will have to try it another day.

 
Sunday we headed further up north to find more snow and we were successful.

We also met up with some good friends.

I would say he loves his new snowshoes?!

Even Olga and Jack had a great day in the woods. 

While there is a ton of new snow this past week, there won't be any snowshoeing in my near future.   BUT...As some of you know, ,my sister had her baby back in November and I've still yet to meet him.  She decided that since she was not working, she would come visit me and bring my nephew Jesse.  My birthday is on Monday so she will be here today, with Jesse to help celebrate my  birthday!  I am so excited to meet my nephew and see my sister but not so excited for my 37th birthday-yikes! 

Have a great weekend everyone! 

S.M.

Waiting for my Super Muscles.

Since I was a little girl, I have been told by my father, time and time again, that I have special “super muscles”.  It wasn’t always what a girl wanted to hear, but to this day at age 36, my father reminds me of these so called super muscles.  I know that I am not really a super hero or have these so called super muscles– so don’t worry I have not lost all my marbles! 

  

My body has been pretty beat up over the past 6 months with surgery, all the drugs pushed through my system and the lack of sleep that I am still so unfamiliar with this new state of “fragile” that I am in.   I am not use to limiting my physical activities or not eating certain foods to avoid getting sick or mouth sores.  I even have been opting out of social events to avoid getting sick. 

 

My last visit with my oncologist was on October 28 and on that day my blood counts were all on the low side.  Since I was finished with the major chemo treatments, the doctors preferred to let my body generate new white blood cells all on its own- so I did not receive the shot to help this process.   Since I was not getting the shot it would leave me more susceptible to infections and germ.  My doctor gave me not so specific instructions, but two simple instructions: I was told to take it easy and not to play in the dirt.   I had to ask if that meant mountain biking and she said she would prefer I didn’t.  And if I got a fever of 100.4 or higher, I was to call.   I listened to half of her instructions, which mean I took it “easy” and only played in the dirt one day.  I did take my temperature a lot.  It was Halloween weekend and while I would have liked to go out and about, I opted to stay in and keep clear of large crowds. I also wanted to save my energy for the trails.

Some highlights of that weekend. 

Halloween day- I played in the dirt.

Making yummy whole wheat cinnamon apple walnut pancakes for my guy.

And carving our pumpkin- spooky

It wasn’t as hard to listen that weekend as it was this past weekend.  I have been feeling a lot better and the weather was on the cooler side but sunny and perfect for the woods.  Saturday G and I took a mellow but long adventure ride up the Aqueduct.  It is a great way for us to get our continuous pedaling and stay off the streets where it is always colder.

 

Sunday was the first group ride I have done since May. It was at Blue Mountain with a bunch of folks I know from the WMBA.  This is the time of year that most people come out for much more social riding.  Nobody is really in a hurry or training for anything as the race season is over for most.  When we arrived on Sunday morning the lot was full of fellow riders ready to head into the woods- it was so great!  It has always taken me about 30 minutes to warm up but this morning was a lot different.  We had about 19 people on this ride so where I usually would be right up at the front of the pack, I quickly shuffled myself to the back of the line.  I have had to let go of my ego and remember to ride within my new limits.  I didn’t want to blow the day in the first 10 minutes trying to keep up.   I am not that same girl I was prior to surgery- not yet at least.   I was riding stronger than I have been and feeling more comfortable with my bike handling skills since before my surgery. Although I had moments of brilliance (I cleaned a really technical rock garden that on good days I may only clean 50% of the time!!),  I had moments where I would go around an obstacle or dismount and walk it if I was unsure of myself.  Hesitation will knock you right off your bike.  That or your handle bars clipping a tree! 

I was starting to get tired and knew that we were almost done with the ride.  I was pedaling with G and a couple friends of mine at the back of the pack.  I know they were back there to hang out with me and I was happy to have the company.   We were not on a particularly technical trail, but it is a brand new trail so I didn’t know it all.  That is when it happened- My handle bar clipped a tree and which sent me flying and causing me to land on the end of my handle bar – right to the stomach.  I have always played hard and fallen harder, but this time it was different.   In the past I would jump up, brush off the dirt and hop back on the bike.   It always hurt but this day I was reminded how fragile I really was.   I was relatively lucky considering how quickly a fall could cause a ruckus with all the plastic in my chest right now; it could have been pretty ugly.  After a quick trip to the doctor today,  it  doesn’t appear to have done too much damage, but I am still pretty sore today.

    

I am more fragile than I use to be and no matter how I may look to others on the outside, I am not the same.  I struggle with feeling week and tired- it is so hard.  Every day I wake up and hope that my special “super muscles” will kick in and help me. 

None of this will stop me from riding my mountain bike- when my gut doesn’t hurt so badly, I will ride again, but I promise to be more careful.  

Here are a few shots that G took on Sunday.  

Double Wheelie.

Look out! 

Staying focused- this is not where I fell.

Keeping steady.

Most of the gang stopping for a break.