Daring to be great- Hampshire 100 Recap

G and I had driven up the day prior to the big race and spent the night in the cute little town of Peterborough, NH.  It was only minutes from the Hampshire 100 start/finish and we had a bed to sleep in instead of camping.   It did not seem to matter much since I did not get a good night sleep anyway.  I was probably overly anxious about the long day ahead and the fact that my alarm was going to go off at 5 am.  I do not wake up that early on purpose- ever! 

I had no idea what to expect that morning.

It was less than 50 degrees at the start and the sun was shining.  It was an amazingly beautiful morning for a bike ride and was a huge relief from the insanely hot and humid weather we have had this summer on New York.   

6:45 am came quickly and we were off!  There were 400+ racers in total but not everyone was racing the 100 mile option.  The past 5 years of this event has “only” been a 100 K and this was the first year they were added to the NUE race series with the extra mileage option.  Of course I signed up for the 100 mile category. 

The race started off pretty quickly and I tried to just settle into my own race.  It was hard to do. I look back now and I am sure that the ‘bike buzz’ got the best of me for the first 20 or so miles.   I started out with a couple other women.  One of them was a single speeder- Hannah. And the other was a woman that I knew from New York, Chrissy.  It was nice to have a familiar face to start off with and she has done a 100 miler before.  I figured if I just stick with her for a bit, I could maybe find a good steady pace.  It was working for a while.  

G had decided to wait for me at the first aide station and we quickly headed off together. 

We pedaled with our friend Shoogs for a while.  We pedaled the course with no idea what was ahead of us.   I had read the course description but when you are out there in the mix, nothing really is what you thought it would be. 

We had a pretty good pace and my spirits were high. The course started to pick up some steam.  Railroad tie bridges; ‘the beach’; jeep trails with techy descents and loose steep climbs; the power line climb- which apparently had a great view if you turned around.   I didn’t look behind me all day.  Freshly cut single track that sapped my legs on ever pedal.  Mud, roots, rocks.  It was never ending.  

Rolling up on a man playing the fiddle in a field was probably one the highlights for me.  We were having a great time but suffering all the same. 

We pedaled through people’s back yards as we looped through 7 different towns.  They cheered us on and waived from their porches.  We waived back and thanked them as we heading into the woods.  The smell of pine trees kept me sane.  I said out loud to G, “2 years ago, almost to the date- our lives were so different” I was feeling so lucky to be out there suffering on my own terms and soaking in the day. 

At "the beach"

Somewhere around mile 40-45, my stomach started to bubble up.  The pressure started to build and the cramping got worse.  I kept pedaling and hoping it would just subside a bit.  I had a Dixie cup of coke at one of the aide stations hoping it would settle my stomach.  I had stopped eating.  I was heading for trouble.

 

I was still with G and he was calling out to me to make sure I ate something.  I just couldn’t do it.  I felt too sick.  It was either the Heed or the Perpetuem chews.  I have used both before without any problems but I could not figure out what else it could be.

 

We pressed on.  More mud, more climbs and a water bog that was thigh high deep.  There was no way through it without lifting your bike and slogging your way through hoping not to twist you ankle on the invisible rocks below.  Needless to say, this was not a highlight of the race for me. Although my bike is light, my ability to lift anything over my shoulders since my mastectomy and reconstruction surgeries has been a challenge.  The cold water felt nice on my legs except it really triggered my neuropathy in my right foot. It was already bother me the same as usual but it was now hurting badly, especially when I would have to walk a section.    

Me- Attempting to get back on the bike.  G had his GoPro on photo instead of video. 

I tried to remember some of the many suggestions this awesome lady gave me.    “No matter how good or bad you feel it will not last, just keep moving forward no matter what the pace”.   It did get a bit better but at that point, my nutrition was malfunctioning and my pace dropped off so much that I was not even sure we would make the 4:00 pm cut off to head out for the second part of the course.  For the safety of all racers, they had time cut offs that would make sure you were off the course by 7:30 PM- for obvious reasons. 

The modified second lap for the 100 milers began at the start/finish.  This is brutal on the psyche.  I should also mention we only rolled in with 3 minutes under the cut off time and it looked like a fun party happening on the start/finish site with all those that had already finished the 100 K and a few top racers that had finished the 100 miles.  We decided to head back out on the course, but this was not an easy decision. 

I started to do the math as I looked at the cut off times that I had taped to my handle bars.  Could I keep up over a 10 mile an hour pace for the next 35 miles?  I was not keeping that pace as it was, so it was not likely I could then.  A couple miles into that second lap, G and I agreed that we were done.

 

I will not lie, I shed a few tears as we pedaled back to the score tent to let them know that we were quitting.  My disappointment ran high.  In all reality, we would never have made the cut off time at the next feed station and I would rather pedal myself back than have to take the support car back to camp.

 

Had I signed up for the 100 K, I would have had a finish.  But as G said to me as we headed back to the start/finish area to tell the officials we were out-  “You have to dare to be great.  We will come back another day and finish our 100 mile race”.

 

We ended up with 70 miles, over 7000 feet of climbing and over 9.5 hours of riding.  Not bad for a day on the bike and I am proud of that.  Had I not had a GI issue, my race could have been much different.  My arm cording  never hurt and my hand did not swell in my glove. Probably because I did not use a camel back and the humidity was low.  Amazing my back never hurt either.  I was even climbing well.  I had a fun day and I learned a lot about endurance racing.  I need more practice and need to dial in my nutrition better.  At the very least, find something to eat that does not make my stomach sick while riding.  I also think I will try a different 100 miler next year.  The New Hampshire 100 was supposedly one of the hardest in all of the NUE series- and it just so happens to be the one I chose for my first attempt. 

This quote has always been a favorite of my guys and his “dare to be great” comment is inspired by this quote:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”  Theodore Roosevelt

Many others did not finish the 100 mile race on that Sunday, but we were all out there- Daring to be great!  

Darkhorse 40 Race Recap.

Sunday morning came quickly and it was set to be another hot and humid race day. 

After picking up my number plate and setting up my gear, I spun my legs out up the fire road for not even a mile or so before they called to stage all racers. I had planned on a long warm up that morning, but I ran out of time before the start. 

Ready or not, it was time to go pee and lineup.   

I had signed up for the sport class and there was 17 women registered.   That is a pretty large womens field so I was a bit anxious.  We were going to be the last group to head out on the course.  After my experience of being passed by almost the entire men sport field at the 6 hour race last month, I was totally okay with heading into the woods behind the masses.  There were 400 racers registered and I would just pass the ones I could but was happy to not have to be passed by 200+ racers.   

It was already hot and the air was pretty thick as I stood on the line waiting our turn to start the race.  I ran through my mental  check list of what I had in my pockets for nutrition; I ate a GU while I tried to remind myself to make sure to eat on a regular schedule so I would not bonk out there. 

The race started with a 3.5 mile fire road.  I was not warmed up well so I just rode it pretty steady.  That was my plan- just to stay steady.   By the time I got to the first bit of single track- I felt great.  I was picking off some of the men racers and having a good time of it.  I caught a couple women and just kept on pushing forward.

I felt so good the first 10 miles that I decided that I better reign myself  back in a bit- I had 30 more miles to go and it was hot and humid.  I just settled into a little more than comfortable pace. The second half of the 20 mile course had the most climbs on it.  I was surprised at how well I did on the climbs.  G keeps reminding me on our training rides to use my gears and save my legs.  It really helped and I never felt my legs hurt once on those climbs.

As I came through the neutral feed zone after the first lap, I stopped at the cooler to fill up my camelback with water and grab another bottle of Heed.  The promoters had great support stations set up with snacks and water but I never stopped at any of them.  I made a promise to myself- no stopping outside of the feed zone unless it was necessary.   3 women passed me during what was only about a minute pit stop.  I headed back on the course to chase them down.  I had eaten and drank all the right amounts up until this point so I was hopeful to catch back up. 

It was quite a few miles until I caught two of them.  It had appeared they had slowed their pace.  I was thinking that I had slowed down a bit too, but I tried  to remain steady. By mile 35, I still had not caught one of the  woman that had passed me in the feed zone and I still felt pretty good so I thought- just go!  I pushed hard those  last 5 miles and I still felt strong when I crossed the finish line.  I could not believe it.  I was having the best race I have had in over 2 years.  I was smiling from the inside out. 

I did not catch that last woman that had  passed me.  I did not meet my time goal - but I still beat last year’s time by 30 minutes.  I did not podium but I sure as hell had a great time out there racing my bike in the woods.  The best part of the whole day was how I felt strong and healthy.  That was the big take away.    

What was the reason I felt so good that day?  The humidity was not in my favor and my ankles hurt for two days leading up to the race.  It could have gone either way.   I keep going over the week prior to race day and my race prep.  I do not know if I could repeat a day like that if I tried. 

My recovery is going well this week, so  here is hoping I will have what it takes to finish the Hampshire 100 in less than two weeks. 

S.M. 

Just Busy Living!

J enjoying himself some ice cream!

I have been extremely selective with my time lately.

During 7 weeks of the summer, my sister comes down from Maine to work a job she has had for many years. It is a great job  for her, so while it is hard on her and her family, it pays off in the end. There is not much work up in their parts of the world, so this is necessary. An added bonus for me is my nephew J comes with her. At 21 months, he has been quite the trooper . He has adapted very well and I love having them both around.

Unfortunately, the time goes by way too quickly. Each year I tell myself that I need to make sure I spend as much time with them as possible- no matter what is going on in my life.

Back in the summer of 2010 when I was in chemo treatments, my sister was here for work and she was pregnant with J. The time we spent together was not filled with a ton of exciting activities since we both only really wanted to lay on the couch and watch movies- we still had some great sister time together.

At the local fair. 

This year I have made an even stronger effort and I have the energy to spread myself a little thinner. These times with L & J are very special. I have grown pretty attached to this little guy. So between my visits with them; work; training hours in the Pilates studio and oh yeah…riding my bike, writing has taken a back seat.


It never seems like enough time...

J and L 

If anyone was worried- I am fine… just busy living! 

I hope you are all having a great summer. 

My sis, brother in law and of course G and I.

Stay tuned: G and I will be racing on Sunday August 5 in the DarkHorse 40 and if I keep my nerve, I will be attempting to finish the Hampshire 100.

Darkhorse 40 pre-ride with some good buddies!

S.M. 

The voices in my head.

I woke up Sunday morning not feeling much better than the day before.  My head was still stuffy and I had developed a cough.  I had a really good night rest so decided to stick with the plan and head up to the race.  I planned on just using this event as training anyway.  I told myself that I would not over do it and if for any reason I felt sick, I would stop.  It is a hard thing to do when you are out there but I have hurt myself in this type of heat before.  It ended badly with lots of puking and chills, so I had no interest in reenacting that nightmare.

I made some green juice for G and I and we were off to the race.  

It was already 78 degrees at 8:00 in the morning so we knew it was going to be a long hot day.

The heat and coughing just added to my normal list of issues I now have to deal with since surgery and treatments.  The heat just makes these issues worse- my ankles aching and arm tightening- I am sick of even talking about it so I am sure you all are sick of reading about it.  I am just starting to understand how to accept it- but I am not there yet. 

  

Racing is as much mental as it is physical.  A week ago, I actually felt like I could have done well in this race but you just never know until you start pedaling that day.  I felt pretty good heading into the woods.  I tried not to get carried away with the freight train of ‘sport’ class men that passed me on the trail. I just tried to find my own grove and settle in and let people pass when it was safe to do so.

It was not 45 minutes into the race when I heard my guy yell out- ‘is that my wonder woman?”.   I knew he would catch up to me so it was nice to hear his voice.  We actually ended up riding most of the race together and having a good time.  We both were struggling with the heat and the same cold.  For the record, he gave it to me. 

It was during the 4^th lap that I was starting to feel like a 5^th lap could potentially bury me.  G was having the same feeling so we both decided to end our race after 4 laps- 43 miles.

I thought for sure I was last, so we decided not to hang around in the blazing heat and headed home.  I was surprised to hear that I was not last and actually got 6^th place.  My lap times were not impressive by any means and while I did not cramp or overly fatigue myself- I still did not feel like I had a good performance but it did feel pretty good not to be last.

I could have gone further that day, I know I could have but I didn’t want to completely deplete my body so that I could not function the rest of the week.  Another lap could have put me in a world of hurt and it just was not worth it.  I felt pretty good Monday morning and I know that if I had pushed myself that would not be the case. 

Even my phone had enough of the heat! 

The more I think about it and the more I critique my race- the more I get mad about Sundays race and the races since my cancer diagnosis.  I am my own worst critic- I want to summon my race performances before my diagnosis.

I cannot help but get angry at cancer for setting me back so far from my competitors. 

I am racing now with women that I used to beat or had a chance of beating and they are crushing me.  It is so humbling.

I line up on the start line and think that I am lucky to even be there.  I think how these girls have no idea how hard it is for me to get back up to the strength that I have today.  I may look the part but truly, I am a long ways away from being in the top 3 of a race.  I have to allow my body to come back on its own which is not easy because it involves patience on my part.

    

I know that I have to get out of this mind set because it really is not helping me race any better.   

I am not as down on me as this sounds, but these are the voices in my head.  It is hard some days to tune them out.

I have settled into this place that is very unfamiliar to me and I do not like it any more.

Next up is the Darkhorse 40 in 1 month and I would like to have a good result. 

In the meantime, it is July 4 and the summer is flying by.  We are off to Maine for a long weekend of visiting G’s family and some friends of ours in Portland. 

Have a safe and happy 4^th of July. 

S.M. 

More Juice!

It appears I have officially caught a summer cold...

It is quite disappointing since last week I was feeling so good and strong on the bike.  Good enough to steal back one of my lost QOM on Strava!

I am juicing like a mad woman and hoping that will boost my immune system enough to make this cold short lived with minimal damage.  As long as it stays out of my chest, I still plan on racing on Sunday.

Do your magic green juice!

Yes, that is right...the Stewart Six Pack is this Sunday and not only will it be 95 degrees and humid, but now I will be dealing with being sick.  Oh well, that is just the way it goes.  I find it hard to really complain about a cold after all that I have dealt with in the past but it still would have been nice to feel good on race day.

More juice, need more juice!

Popsicles help too- my nephew and I have the same cold :( 

Long overdue updates.

Health:


Health update- I am going to keep this brief as I am still trying to process what it all means:

Overall, I am healthy as far as I know, but after a follow up pelvic MRI there was confirmation of what I already knew/feel. I can sum it up by saying Tamoxifen is wreaking havoc on my uterus and there is a chance I may need surgery down the road.

But I am going to try my best not to let it worry me too much.

On a more positive note, The Bike Wise fund raising event was a huge success despite the rain.  I could not believe people showed up and rode with me in the pouring rain.   It did stop raining about 45 minutes into the ride and the sun even came out to dry us out on our return trip.  Thank you to those of you that came out and rode in the rain or volunteered their time to be ride leaders.  Thank you also to those that donated.  100% of the donations are going right to the organization to provide free Pilates to other patients in need of healing.

Thanks for the photo Bill Winters.  

The Family Ride 

Racing:

I have been contemplating pulling myself out of the Hampshire 100.

I have not really had as much time in the saddle these days so I am a bit concerned that this race was too ambitious.  Is two months enough time to get ready for such an endeavor?   Some may say yes and some might just say I am out of my mind.

After some more thought on the subject and discussing it with a few friends, I think it is still a bit premature to pull the plug on a race for mid August.    In fact, I decided to enter into another race to test my endurance.

I will be racing in the Stewart 6 pack on July 1- it is a 6 hour race.  You ride as many laps as you can in 6 hours. The one who finishes the most laps- wins.  I figured it could serve as a great training ride and a long day on the bike in some really fun single track.  I am actually looking forward to this and I talked G into racing it with me.

I am still registered for the Darkhorse 40 on August 5.  That is two weeks before the Hampshire 100 so it will either be great race prep or it will bury me.  I am hoping for great race prep.

Training/social Rides:

I have had some nice solo rides lately and my times have showed improvement according to my Strava records.  This has been really helpful since I have no clue how to figure out if I am really getting any faster unless I time myself. For the record, I did not state that I am getting fast, just that I am faster than I was.

I did get a chance to ride with some awesome people a couple weekends ago.

Saturday, G and I met up with some friends for a single speed ride up at Stewart.  It was a recovery day for them, so I had a better chance of trying to keep up with them.  It rained most of the morning and we were covered in mud from the huge puddles but it didn’t stop us from having a blast.

SweetMango and ThirdGear - all smiles! 

G and the leaf. 

Sunday was the annual Fat Tire Festival at Blue Mountain Reservation.  I had volunteered to lead the women’s ride again this year.  I get so much out of these rides even though they end up being at a pretty beginner level.   The group heads off into the woods, shepherded by us volunteers- a group of women I ride with regularly.  Some of the beginner women really had no desire to go off the fire roads and some others were ready for the challenge.  My friend Melissa took the fire road crew and Kim and I headed into the single track with 4 brave women…3 of which were pretty good.  I ended up staying in the back with one woman and giving her some extra pointers to help her.  It is amazing how a few suggestions can make a world of difference with someone's riding ability.  We had a few laughs and she was full of smiles even after she rode her bike right off a wooden bridge right at the end of the ride.  It was not more than a couple feet above the stream but it was enough to rip her off her bike into a front flip landing on her butt in the stream.   I was horrified watching this happen but thank goodness she was alright.  She actually laughed and smiled about it all the way while riding her bike to the EMT tent.  I just wanted to make sure that she was okay.   It turns out, she wants to buy a new bike and keep riding.  That is the spirit!  She actually left me a very nice note at the registration desk thanking me for helping her and giving her a gift that she will never forget. That is why I do these rides- I have helped another woman find the “religion” of the two wheels.  Ride on ‘stream flipper’!

I met up with G after that and  we headed back into the woods to show a couple new friends around our favorite trails.  It is always fun to show people around Blue and get to know some new folks.  Mountain biking has some amazing cast of characters.  Some of the best people that I have met have been while riding bikes.

G took some fun photos that day! 

Me on the 'new' trail at Blue. 

Our new friend - shoogs. 

"radio voice"

I rode solo most of this past week.  I am not really minding all the solo riding as it is helping me to clear my head and I can keep things rolling and at the pace I want.

I had a two day Anatomy workshop for my Pilates training on Friday and Saturday so I had to get quick rides in during the early morning hours.  Nothing longer than 2.5 hours but they were all good steady rides.  I even forced myself out on the road bike Saturday morning.  Sunday morning G and I headed up to Graham Hills and I actually hit a Personal Record on one of my favorite climbs- I was almost a whole minute faster! 

The weather for this week is going to be hot so hoping to get my rides in on the early side again.  Waking up extra early is better than suffering in 97 degrees and humidity.  My body and joints do not really care for those conditions.

 

If you are all still following along- thank you for reading. 

S.M.

Redirecting my energy.

I had two Pilates instructor training workshops back to back this month.

They were held on both Saturday and Sunday and were all day classes. During these workshops, I am learning new exercises and being trained on the equipment. We practice the exercises together and followed by teaching them to one another: learn, practice and teach. By the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, we are all usually maxed out both physically and mentally from the long days of classes.

This most recent workshop was exhausting, but also exhilarating. It was the most intense workshop I have attended yet, but so much more of it really made sense than it has in the past. I feel like everything is starting to come together with the understanding of the material and the exercises. My body and mind is connecting to these exercises and I am really looking forward to taking on clients very soon. I have still many hours (a few 100 hours or so) of teaching and practice that I will need to be completely Balance Body certified. I also have three more workshops to attend. Two of these are back tracking in terms of the curriculum unfortunately, since I missed a couple of workshops after my surgery in October. The next one is going to be anatomy and is causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I learn best through doing and less through book study, so I really have my work cut out for me. I am hoping that my new found connection to these exercises will help me piece together all the anatomy.

As I have previously mentioned, I am involved in the planning of the first annual bike ride fundraiser for Body Wise Connection. It is coming up quickly on June 2 so I have been really focused on all the details of this event. So far, the pre-registration has been pretty successful and I have had really great support. Some friends and family have generously made donations and some friends are volunteering their time to be ride support or signing up to participate in the event. This event is one of the main sources of funding for this program, so we are hoping for riders but donations are also welcome for those that cannot attend the event.

That was my shameless plug...

Between work being very busy these days, my Pilates studies and my volunteer work, it has left less time for riding my bike. Strangely, I am okay with that. Sometimes it is good for me to step away and take a break, especially since I was feeling a bit frustrated with my fitness and skill. I have been riding, just not obsessing about it. I have just had to redirect my energy to other things and there is just not enough time or energy for it all.

We are coming into a 3 day weekend so riding my bike will defiantly be on the menu for the weekend. 

Speaking of menu...

I made the most delicious meal the other night.

Grilled Wild Salmon w/lentils and fresh mango salsa.

G and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary of our first date. It was May 23, 2009 when I knew I had found the guy for me. We have been through so much together in such a short period of time. Thankfully, most young couples do not have to endure illness hijacking their lives the way G and I have. It is hard to believe that tomorrow is two years since my bilateral mastectomy! We continue to struggle with some of the aftermath of the storm but I have to say, my guy has stood by my side through it all. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

Have a great weekend everyone.

S.M.